It is really a common problem.
Many parents are face it and most parents think they are doing something wrong. But you are not. It is something happening culturally across the board. Challenge with anger management is rampant in our society. Parents need ways to deal with it and how to manage it, why it is happening and what to do about it. Today, I just want to talk about a few very simple ideas for teaching kids anger management. Most can start from a very young age.
Listen to this Positive Parenting Pep Talk about Anger Management on your favorite podcast platform.
First, you can teach kids how to yell in a pillow.
Perhaps you heard this before from a therapist but you can do it at home with your kids. Teach your kids anger management. Instead of yelling and screaming, you can put your face in a pillow and scream at the top of your lungs. It is kind of fun to do this with your kids and show them. Because often they are afraid that this much anger, this much noise is going to get you mad or get them in trouble so they are afraid to do this. When you do it with them, it makes it safe. And when it is safe for them to do, it is something they can learn to do on their own when the need to vent their anger. Screaming in the pillow is a great tool for anger management.
Another one is colouring or drawing with red crayon or red pen.
Something about the red and scribbling or drawing on a piece of paper is really helpful in moving the anger through children. Adults can do this as well. Again, sitting down with your kids and showing them how it is done and moving through your anger can really help them and make it safe.
Another great way to get out anger is to fill up water balloons…
And take your child outside with a bucket of water balloons and throw them against the wall. Something about that water balloon smashing against the wall is really helpful when kids are having anger management problems. I actually gave this suggestion to the staff at Casa Pacifica where they have children who have problems and they found it very helpful, especially with the teenagers, to have this tool to use for the kids to deal with anger when they have it.
Finally, just allow anger with your words.
When you realise that your kid is angry, we do not want to say: it is not okay to be angry or don t be angry, but you want to make statements such as:
“You are allowed to be angry but not to kick me!–Well, the anger only is allowed.”
“It is fine to be angry but it is not fine to break the door with rage.”
“It is okay to tell your sister that you are angry but not okay that you hit her.”
You want to acknowledge that the feeling is okay, it is the action that they take as a result of having the feelings that can be problematic. You want to give them other suggestions. One thing that is really helpful with 4, 5 and 6-year-olds is to give them three alternative suggestions. “Instead of hitting your sister, what are three other things you can do” and help them figure it out.
“Well, I could go run around outside, I could go draw something or I can tell her that I do not like when she does that.” Often, this will give them alternatives.
I hope this will help whenever you have problems with anger with your kids.
Happy parenting!